Watching 'Thor' with my Dad, part 3

Dad:	Wait, Loki's destroying all the frost giants even though he is one?
Me:	Yup.
Dad:	Why?
Me:	He's trying to prove to his father, and by extension all of Asgard, that he's really one of them and that he's worthy and mansome like Thor. Also, self-loathing.
Dad:	If I were his dad, this wouldn't have happened.
Me:	If you were Loki's dad, our children would be born without eyelids.
Later
Dad:	OH NO
Me:	Calm it down, dad.
Dad:	HE'S CRYING AGAIN. I HATE IT WHEN HE CRIES. MAKE HIM STOP.
Me:	*sigh* Oh, would that I could.
Dad:	Do you think if I gave Odin a cow and some goats he would agree to have Loki marry you so you can make sure he never cries again?
Me:	First of all, you live in the suburbs and have no livestock to speak of. Second, probably not, as I am a commoner and kind of gross-looking. Third, I strongly object to the prospect of being bartered.
Dad:	You're right.
Me:	Thank you.
Dad:	I'd probably have to give him two cows.
Later
Dad:	Loki just did a pole dance.
Me:	*laugh*
Dad:	He sits with his legs spread like a cheap strumpet and he twirls on a pole.
Me:	*laugh*
Dad:	Loki's a slut.
Later
Thor:	*pins Loki down with Mjolnir*
Dad:	HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Loki:	*yell* *squirm* *grunt*
Dad:	HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA!
Later
Loki:	I could have done it, father!
Dad:	Oh my god.
Odin:	No, Loki.
Dad:	SHUT UP ANTHONY HOPKINS YOU NEGLECTFUL ASSHOLE. IF LOKI WERE MY SON I WOULD BE NICE TO HIM.
Me:	*ruptures internal organs trying not to laugh*
Loki:	...
Dad:	OH NO OH NO OH NO
Loki:	*lets go of the spear*
Dad:	NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Thor:	NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Odin:	No.
Dad:	DAMNIT ODIN YOU AREN'T UPSET ENOUGH
Me:	Dad, don't give yourself a palpitation.
Later
Dad:	WTF Loki just comitted suicide and these assholes are throwing a feast and partying.
Me:	...
Dad:	Assholegard!!!!
THE END

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